FICTION BY DALE ANDREW WHITE
With all due respect, I must say that you've really misjudged me.
I didn't mean any harm and I didn't cause any. Nobody got hurt. Be reasonable.
We haven't known each other long so I understand if we have trust issues. Yet please accept my word that I would never mislead you. Never.
You have captivating, soul-searching eyes, by the way. Just riveting. And the way you pout as you cross your arms is so endearing.
But I digress. You just stay seated. Let me explain what happened. Hear me out.
The other woman you've heard about, the woman I was caught with, means nothing to me. I don't understand why she tells such lies.
The only time I met her was the day of this little mishap.
I was minding my own business, leaving a very respectable nightclub because I was out of cash. She approached me outside. I could tell she had a thing for me, the same way I sense that you and I have a rapport. I know how I come across to women.
She called me "Handsome." And I complimented her on her mostly leather ensemble. C'mon, you've got admit. You saw her. She's a looker.
But, I agree, that's not the point.
I told her that I'd never seen her in the neighborhood before.
She said she was new and was staying at a nearby motel, nothing fancy but reasonable rates. She confessed to being lonely and wondered if I would be good company.
In hindsight, I realize I shouldn't have taken her up on her offer. There may have been a bit of an appearance of impropriety when I went with her to her room. But, believe me, we weren't on a date. I had no intention of cheating on anybody.
I thought I'd try to comfort this nice lady who was alone in a strange town and evidently needed a friend.
Now she's come up with this whole story about these sordid comments I supposedly made and how I offered her money - money I didn't have, remember - if she would do things no gentleman, especially myself, would ever have the effrontery to suggest.
It's all absolute crock.
I see no reason why you should take her word over mine. Just because she's in law enforcement doesn't mean she can't be a liar. She obviously lied to me. And those damn audio tapes can be remixed and rigged, you know - just like surveillance videos. You can't believe anything you hear and see anymore.
Except me. I swear.
I could never lie to such an honest, compassionate - and, may I say so, lovely face. At this moment, you mean the world to me. I don't want to part like this. I was us to forever be -
What's that?
Uh-huh.
No, I have nothing else to add.
I understand. If that's the way you want it, I suppose there's nothing I can say that will change your mind. I'm sorry circumstances could not have been different.
Yes, I realize that you don't want to ever see me again. I won't come back here. I promise.
You want me to do what?
Oh, I see.
Yes, Your Honor. I'll go with the bailiff now.
"An Unlikely Story" is excerpted from the collection RETURN OF THE DITTOS, which is available as a paperback and Kindle ebook from the Book & Gift Shop on NuthouseMagazine.com. It originally appeared in CYNIC ONLINE MAGAZINE.